Ola!
Went back from Indonesia last Sunday, and really want to share the stories of my holiday, but I can’t help myself to post this story first, and holiday’s stories can wait, so… here we go!
Went back from Indonesia last Sunday, and really want to share the stories of my holiday, but I can’t help myself to post this story first, and holiday’s stories can wait, so… here we go!
Term
ini saya ambil salah satu subject (mata kuliah) yang namanya Leadership and
Strategic Thinking. Dari namanya udah ketahuan lah ya pelajarannya tentang apa,
of course tentang kepemimpinan.
Nah,
di akhir kelas kemarin, kita disuruh diskusi dalam kelompok kecil (4-5 orang)
tentang siapa saja orang yang menurut kita adalah pahlawan atau leader kita,
dan kenapa kita mengagumi orang tersebut. Dalam soal diskusinya, ada pernyataan
“your heroes can be anyone from Mother Theresa to your next-door neighbor”,
means orang tersebut doesn’t suppose to be known worldwide, as long as he/she
has the character of a leader or hero for us.
And
of course you all can guess whose name appeared first on my mind. Yup!
J-E-S-U-S.
J-E-S-U-S.
Tapi
kemudian, batin saya mulai gelisah. Right after I intended to write my Savior’s
name on the paper, a bunch of questions popped up. And so did some acts of
self-defense, when I knew that each group have to present their discussion’s
result in front of the class. I said to myself, “Ini kan kuliah, bukan waktunya
aku menginjili”, “gimana ya nanti pendapat classmates-ku tentang aku kalau aku
sebut nama Yesus di depan kelas?”, “ah, aku bisa bersaksi melalui perilakuku di
kampus kok, nggak harus dengan blak-blakan di depan kelas gini”, and so on, so
on, and on.
So,
instead of write my Savior’s name on the paper, I wrote the name of Thomas Alva
Edison, Mark Zuckerberg, Larry Page and Sergey Brin (the inventors of Google).
Instead
of wrote the name of my Lord who died for me, I wrote the names of the guys who
have never done anything for me. Oh yeah, Edison, Zuckerberg, Page and Brin
found things that have been making my life easier, but they did not find
something or did any thing that SAVED my life. Jesus… has given me salvation,
and a promise of eternal life.
But
it was my concern about what-my-classmates-will-think-about-me who won. My
logic and considerations defeated my calling to fullfil the Great Commission. I
have lost an opportunity to tell others about how much Jesus loves them, and
what He has done for me, and also for them.
Meski pun pada akhirnya grup saya nggak sempat dipanggil maju ke depan untuk mempresentasikan hasil diskusi karena waktu kuliahnya keburu habis, tapi sepanjang hari setelah mata kuliah itu, saya terus diburu perasaan bersalah. No matter how I tried to remove the guilt, it kept after me. Hingga keesokan harinya, ketika saya sendirian di kamar, saya tak tahan lagi. I suddenly remembered Peter, who denied Jesus three times, and how in The Passion of The Christ, Jesus kept his eyes on Peter with compassion.
Meski pun pada akhirnya grup saya nggak sempat dipanggil maju ke depan untuk mempresentasikan hasil diskusi karena waktu kuliahnya keburu habis, tapi sepanjang hari setelah mata kuliah itu, saya terus diburu perasaan bersalah. No matter how I tried to remove the guilt, it kept after me. Hingga keesokan harinya, ketika saya sendirian di kamar, saya tak tahan lagi. I suddenly remembered Peter, who denied Jesus three times, and how in The Passion of The Christ, Jesus kept his eyes on Peter with compassion.
And
I broke down in tears.
When
I said to Jesus that I love Him, that I will not ashamed to testify about Him,
He knew that I will keep on falling. He already knew that my flesh will
sometimes defeat my faith. He already knew that I continuously need His grace
and strength from Him, because of my inability…
And
just as He looked at Peter with compassion, so I know He is also looking at me.
He doesn’t say, “Fall again, huh? I’ve told you so!” and then abandons me.
No,
He did not do that. Dia tahu aku tidak bisa lepas dari keberdosaan dan
kelemahanku, dan karena itulah aku membutuhkan-Nya. Dia tahu aku akan
seringkali terjatuh, karena itulah Ia menawarkan untuk menggenggam tanganku.
Dia tahu aku tak mampu berjalan sendiri, karena itulah Ia berjalan bersamaku…
He
knew it from the beginning. And He does not regret having died on the cross for
someone like me, who, in some circumstances, ashamed to admit Him as my leader
and my hero. Dia tak pernah menyesal, karena kasih dan anugerah pengampunan-Nya
cukup untuk menutupi semua ketidakmampuanku itu.
I’m
so sorry, Lord. I am a sinner, and I keep on falling. Please help me, I
continuously need Your strength and grace, to testify that I am not ashamed of
You.
I am not ashamed of Your name.
I am not ashamed of Your name.
“Setiap orang yang mengakui Aku di depan manusia, Aku juga akan mengakuinya di depan Bapa-Ku yang di sorga. Tetapi barangsiapa menyangkal Aku di depan manusia, Aku juga akan menyangkalnya di depan Bapa-Ku yang di sorga." (Matius 10:32-33)
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